College Students & Their Helicopter Parents

Among the variety of “rites of passages” for adolescents, going away to college is arguably the most important. What phenomenon is belittling this all important rite of passage?

Helicopter parenting...

Helicopter parenting is a form of micromanaging, over-involving, and overprotective parenting techniques. A recent survey said as many as 60% of all college freshmen parents are admittedly overly involved in the lives of their children. This may be the generational results of a number of both positive and negative social factors. Some parents have been deceived into believing that hovering is an act of love; hovering may stifle social, emotional, and spiritual growth and delay adolescence well into the 30’s. Put differently, individual responsibility is directly related to social, emotional, and spiritual growth.

One move-in day a few years ago, a father asked a minister friend of mine who was responsible for making sure his son got to his church every Sunday.  Before he could answer (my reply would have been “that’s your son’s responsibility”), the dad felt the need to clarify that he meant his church, in his hometown, some 90 minutes away from campus.

One of the reasons Freshmen are unchurched is because their parents want them tied to "the mothership” church. (the church they grew up in regardless how far away it is) We should teach students the value of finding and joining a church independent of parental force. I can't tell you how many times students tell me they didn't take ownership of their faith until they took the initiative to plug into church etc...

I tell incoming freshmen that going to class is only a small part of college education. Students will miss out on a complete college education if they isolate themselves from campus life and maintain the same circle of friends.

One of the goals for higher education is social acclimation, not academic. USA Today reports this real scenerio:

“When Peter entered the University of Evansville (Mom's choice), he did fine academically but struggled to make decisions, speak up in class, and form relationships with faculty members and classmates. "It got to the point where because I had been so enclosed, I didn't know how to talk to people," says Peter, who requested that his last name not be published. "I was depressed. I had to learn how to break out of that shell; How could I when my circle of friends were still in high school." 


The most critical time for new students to get involved are the first 3 weeks on campus. Students should expect stress and homesickness, but the remedy is not to go home, but rather, get involved and become independently responsible.

Northeastern University administrators at orientation provide guidelines for parents of incoming freshmen. The 49-year-old incoming freshmen from Albany, N.Y., has committed them to memory: Do not call your student, let her call you; do not e-mail in lieu of calling; do not call the university president when a roommate situation flares.

If that little voice in your head is asking the question “am I being a helicopter parent?”, you don’t need to wait for an answer.  If you’re asking that question, you have your answer

A better question to ask is this. Are you coaching your students from the sidelines or running the plays for them?